Prieten de soarta

Ea stia ca el nu-i poarta niciun gram de pasare. Renuntase in final la orice credinta. Drumul ei fiind anevoios in spate,obosita de dulce chin. Diminetile erau seci si inca se intreba care e de fapt motivul pentru care-si mai nastea capul din perna ce o iubea.
Ce nu stia ea insa,e ca el se trezea diminetile cu o ora mai devreme,ca sa poata sa ajunga la liceu. Geamul clasei lui,cel mai din stanga,dadea direct in fata blocului ei. Statea si o astepta sa iasa,doar ca sa o priveasca.
Ea nu l-a vazut niciodata,fiindca nu mai stia sa-si tina capul sus dupa ce-a fost desprins violent de umarul lui. Mergea adormita,injurand circumstantele,sa ajunga la masina.
El statea sprijinit de coltul peretelui si o privea in gol. O admira din fruntea ultimului sarut,pana la varfurile despicate ale parului ei zapacit. Da,da. Asa era si ea,zapacita si visatoare. Mereu se impiedica de doua ori inainte sa deschida usa masinii. Era farmecul ei,dragalasenia intruchipata. Si el o privea zambind,cand in incercarile ei rastalmacite de a scoate masina din curte,se lovea de gardul viu din spatele ei. Aproape de fiecare data.
Pleca incet si grijluiu,fredonand melodiile ei de suflet. O auzea,fiindca avea geamul deschis ca sa-si aprinda tigara matinala. In adierea racoroasa a zilelor posomorate de liceu,mirosul de flori al parului ei ii ajungea in simtiri. El n-a avut nicicand curaj.
Doi prosti ce suspinau in tacere.

Public speaking competition 2014

Living through the hallways

Theme: Life is the most difficult exam

I think that our life sets its beginnings when we become teenagers. Because before that,we lived on the principles that our parents taught us. In adolescence,we tend to spend more time alone and that way,we begin to discover ourselves. We start to realize our perspective towards every aspect of this world,and most of the times,our perspective is way different than what we have been taught.

                These had to be said,because what I am about to do,has to make sense. Let’s play a game. Imagine that your entire life is like the years you spend in high-school. And we start high-school in our teenage years. Remember how scared you were as a freshman,walking for the first time on such big hallways? That’s where it all starts for every one of us. We wander confused through the entire building,not knowing where to go. But then we meet some people that are just as lost as we are and they might lead us to the right or maybe the wrong path. In real life,I like to call these people in a simple way: “friends”.

After all those circumstances that you have considered scary,given the fact that every start is pretty frightening,you get into your class and you meet the teachers. In life,your mistakes are the greatest teachers. Later on,you are given tests,like crossroads. Take an interesting fact here: you can’t quite copy. Because everyone has a different question paper. You cannot live your life based on someone else’s. Just a second,I take this back. Of course you can live someone else’s life. But where will this actually get you? Every person has its unique personality and way of doing and dealing with things. It’s like you’re given the same directions as another person,just on different maps. So you’ll be stuck at the same crossroad until you realize that you should learn your lessons and go on your own way.

As time goes by,you start to get used to the way things happen. You already know most of the people that are going to your school and you don’t get lost anymore in the building. You are also used to be given tests,because they are almost at the same difficulty all the time and you don’t try so hard studying for them anymore. This is not a bad thing,as you might think. In life,this is gaining experience. But don’t worry. The waves of change never passed anyone without touching them. Some of your teachers might leave,and other strict ones will replace them. Lessons are getting harder to understand,you will probably fail some of the tests and start freaking out. In those moments you have to recall the experience you have gained and update it. As far as I’m concerned,nothing is impossible if your will to accomplish something is alive.

For example,through my life so far,I have failed a lot of tests myself. I never seemed to bother,never seemed to care. I was soaked and stuck in my own misery,never determined to study,as in learning my lessons,no matter how hard my teachers,my mistakes bugged me. I was making up excuses after excuses,shouting that that’s the way that I am and I have to be accepted. I was always lying to myself,believing that I’m always right. But one day it just hits you,just like it hit me,when you don’t have anything to do on an idle Tuesday. Or maybe you need a big impulse,a huge mistake to smack you in the head. It got me thinking: What am I doing with my life? It took me a while to get back on the track,but at least now I’m at peace.

The tests will always be repeating. You will be constantly learning,making your way right to the end,shaping yourself through all the lessons,mistakes and people that you’re going to interfere with,along  the path that you’ve chosen. Because life is what you make it and your whole life is a story. Make sure it’s inspiring.

Afterwards,everything comes to an end. I guess there is a rather interesting feeling when you’re close to this. I think life itself is not an exam. It’s actually a sequence of tests that lead to a final exam. That exam consists in one simple question: Am I happy with what I’m leaving behind? After that,who knows what happens? But as the wise Dumbledore said: “To the well-organized mind,death is but the next great adventure.”

Visatori cu plumb in ochi

Doua masti pe sute de fete

Ce arata pictate incurcat orgolii

Dar inauntru ele ascund

Nimic din ce ar trebui ascuns

Sa fii sincer azi e un pacat

Nu stii ce sa crezi din ochii ce-i privesti

Lacrimile lor se milogesc la tine

Sa cazi in genunchi si sa mai speri

Ca apoi tu singur sa-ti infigi

Acelasi cutit de dinainte

Cu sangele deja uscat pe lama veche

Pe masa paharele sunt goale

In scrumiera filtre arse

Scaunele imprimate de prezenta

Aici a avut loc un razboi

Fiecare tabara crede ca si-a castigat lupta

Tot asa si pana cand?

Cand stai sa te gandesti 

Ca s-a intamplat totul fara cauze

Doua tari ce n-au ce sa-si mai spuna

Se-ntalnesc mereu la drum

Se saluta cu arme o vecie

Si un tipat

Nu va fi nicicand intre ele

Sol de pace

12 fix pe Revolutiei

Uitasem placerea

Cum e sa te plimbi

Cand noptile le-am ingropat in somn adanc

Cu pastile,fara etanol

In urechi imi rasuna ipocrizia

Ce-mi trezeste adanc nevroza

In capul meu urla pitici

Si ma uit strident in luminile orasului

Sa-mi arda privirea

Ca sa nu mai vad ce am in jur si ce-am pierdut

Plutesc printre cadavre ce-si dau titlul de oameni

Am fost si eu candva

Dar acum sunt un "infer"

Destinul sapa o plaga adanca

Intre mine si ei

Asta seara

Am vazut cum din neant

Apare silueta virgina

Nestrivita de viata

Ce merita condamnarea in infern

Cum pasesc nervos

Ma incalzesc pana la oase

Dorind ca toamna sa-mi dea frigul

Sa simt

Sa traiesc

De ce?

Ca printre fiinte parsive si meschine

Sa ma tarasc

Fiindca dragostea e-nalta ca Eiffel-ul

Iar eu sunt cat un pui de vrabie

Ploile nu mai vin sa spele bulevardul

Plin ochi de suspinele mele

Imi astern in pat scenarii

Ce in mod cert in veci nu se desfasoara

Ma trezesc

E soare afara

Si ma-ntreb in fiecare dimineata

Tot ce-am simtit a fost un vis?

- pentru Robert

Me,in everything

When I'm by myself

And I close my eyes

I'm a denied pain

I'm the running drops of rain

I'm the gently sound of the guitar

I'm the fading sun from miles afar

I'm a wide awake dream

I'm the smell of peach ice cream

I'm the moon that watches over

I'm the forth leaf of a clover

I'm the bishop in a game of chess

I'm the most constructive mess

I'm the blind that claims to see

I'm the love that was never meant to be

I'm a tea on Sunday evening

I'm an open wound that is still bleeding

I'm the first leaf that falls in autumn

I'm the last word in a post mortem.

I'm the weak unfearful beast

That is still alive at least

I'm me through all I exist

Passionate and summer kissed.

inspired by Eloise Greenfield poem "When I'm all by myself".

Farewell

Tremuranda-mi tin mana pe hartie

Am sifonat-o stramb de durere.

In suflet adunata mi-e bruma

Si-mi lasa roua rece sa-mi curga pe obraji.

N-am curaj sa impart cu tine gandul meu

Pierit.

Ai plecat cu constiinta nepatata

Luandu-mi vremurile portocalii din ceruri.

Am aflat ca tu esti cel ce nordul mi-ai furat.

Cautand debusolata,de mine m-am impiedicat.

Ma trag inapoi in lanturi catre tine,

Tu nu mai esti sa vezi chinul din mine.

Ma pierd in zare iar si iar

In ureche cu planset sincopat de pian.

Imi amintesc subit acea zi trista,

Cu adio ti-am suflat printr-o batista.

Te-am privit pana-ai plecat,

Speram o eternitate in gandul tau eu sa mai fi stat.

Deja pun pariu c-ai si uitat.

Am sa te caut in genunchi prin lume,

Dand de mii de exemplare de "tine".

Niciunul nu m-a acoperit.

Erai arcusul viorii mele.

Nu mai stiu sa cant decat la stele.

Nici ele nu te mai aduc inapoi.

M-arunc in viata fara vreun drum,
Era mai bine langa tine acum.

Sunt sigura ca soarta-mi va incropi o alta dragoste,

Fara de tine sa nu mai simt in mine-o pacoste.

O durere

O lacrima

Tacere.

Are sa ma tina-n brate si iar am sa cersesc

Cu lacrimi calde pe sufletul sau ceresc.

Deja straina

Existam ieri,undeva singura in noapte. Eu una asa mi-am dorit. Ma uitam in gol prin fumul ce-mi salta din cerul gurii. Nu mai stiam ce sa fac,asa ca am stat,lipita de ciment. In fundal era o melodie asa draga mie. Am inchis ochii sa-mi ascund cioburile de lacrimi dintre gene. Nici sa plang cum trebuie nu mai stiu. Am simtit un gol in stomac. Privind in sus catre felinarul pal,in bataia vantului pitigator,rapuneau frunze uscate. Auzeam crengile smiorcaind de durere. Am ramas acolo prostita cu gura cascata fiindca nu stiam cum le puteam ajuta. 

E ea. Se stinge..incet,ca o lumanare in apa ce-a fost odata stalp sustinator si puternic de ceara. Tuseste adieri racoroase si se inveleste cu nori de-ascunde stelele. N-am apucat sa ma bucur de tine. Ai sa pleci iar si de data asta iei tot ce-am eu mai drag. Imi arunci in cap toata viata si singuratatea,problemele si nelinistea. 

Esti grabita ca un cersetor la o mana-ntinsa cu o paine calda. O iei si pleci. Nu mai stai la povesti. Asta-mi faci tu mie. Nici n-am apucat sa ma bucur de tine. Cateodata ma intreb ce ti-am facut de ma lasi prada mortii lumii.

De la inceputul tau am trait de parca o sa fii vesnic. Te pastrezi doar pentru altii. Nu credeam c-ai sa te duci. Probabil te-ai imbolnavit din pamant de oameni acri si rautaciosi. Te-nteleg ca vrei sa pleci. Dar macar ia-ma cu tine,sau..nu-i lua pe ei. De fapt,stii ce? Ia-ne pe toti. Vreau sa rad in hohote si sa simt iarba moale sub spatele meu iar si iar. Vreau sa simt mirosul lemnelor ce mocnesc in foc si caldura blajina a serii sub aripa lunii pline inca vreo mie de ani. 

Ai fost pentru mine ca cea mai buna prietena,atat de apropiata. Mi-ai scris povesti in piele si-n suflet,mi-ai dat lacrimi si zambete. M-ai crescut si m-ai maturizat,m-ai innebunit de cap. Mi-ai dat tot ce am mai bun.

Anul asta tot tu esti cea care-mi schimba radical viata. E inevitabil ce vrei sa faci. Dar m-ai ranit profund. Nici nu vreau sa ma gandesc la ce va urma. Vor fi nopti cu ger si fara somn,de-o singuratate mai crunta ca viscolul de-afara. Vor fi zile in care-mi voi dori sa mor. Doamne,nu ma lasa. Ma vor prinde iar in mrejele lor,pacalindu-ma sa-mi inchid sufletul si facandu-ma sa uit sa zambesc.

Promite-mi ca te intorci repede cu soare si zambete,fara de griji,cu parul dat dupa umeri,smechera si vioaie,asa cum te stiu de cand m-am modelat subtil in lume. As vrea sa poti sa ma lasi s-o iau iar de la capat,cu tine-n spate an dupa an. Mai lasa-ma macar o data.

N-o sa-mi inteleaga nimeni firea tragica pe care tu o retusezi si o ascunzi. Pleci si iese monstrul din mine. Nimeni nu stie cu adevarat ce rani adanci imi lasa departarea ta.

"Pan' la dementa,jur,mi-a mai ramas un vis."

                                            - Marcel Bostan

P.S.: Copil prost cu vise mari,nu mai cauta prin lume ceva ce ai deja langa tine. Caci colindand alte meleaguri aievea,ai sa pierzi tot ce sperai sa ai. Ai sa uzi pereti cu septembriile din ochii tai.

Si acum,ca sa adaugam putina culoare tristetii (si ca sa se prinda tot neamu de ce am avut de zis mai sus):